Day 005: Cigarettes are Ewwwww!

The Title:
I was a negative ball of negativity today. I tried to de-stress with a cigarette. I couldn't even finish it, because I'm not a smoker. I coughed up a baby unicorn, it was gross.

Moving Right Along:
Sometimes people effect you without really meaning to. For instance, my aunt loves me, and I love her. She's a great woman and has helped me a lot, especially since I've become a "real adult". She's been kinda worried about my next move. I hate not having any good news to tell her, or bothering her with my bumpy undetermined path. But no matter how much she loves me, there's one thing she can't see, and that's God's plan for me. I know she can't see it, because I can't even see it and it's MY life. There are moves and things that God is telling me to make, but I find myself not telling too many people about it, because I know they won't understand. I don't even understand, I'm just blindly obeying God. I'm just realizing it's very important to be obedient and eventually my actions will make more sense to others. I find it hard to take other peoples' criticisms about my decisions. I know there are things that I've passed up and offers I've denied and my friends have probably wondered was I crazy. But if it doesn't resonate in my spirit, then I know it's not what's right for me.

Success: I don't really know if I've learned too much about success today.... Well, I guess you gotta hit a lot of lows before you get to the highs. I learned that passion means suffering. You generally suffer to get to the thing you love. You wouldn't really enjoy your success to the fullest, if you didn't climb to get to it...I guess I did learn something...

Day 004: Babies Look Like Old Men and Aliens

The Title: I looove babies! I'm a baby fanatic, and while at Barnes and Noble today, I saw the cutest book of photography of newborns in cutesy poses. I showed it to my co-worker who pointed out that babies look like old men and aliens. I was then sad, because after hearing that I started to notice....they sorta do look like that as newborns.

Moving Right Along:
I've officially stopped stressing about the move. In fact, I'm in a state of timelessness. I don't care what week it is. I don't care when I said I'd be gone. I just care about getting it right. I'm tired of messing up, so I need to just take my time and do things well. When I stopped worrying about that, I started to really enjoy being where I am right now. I love the grass and trees and crazy squirrels of campus. I really do enjoy my job, my co-workers, my boss. There are certain things that I'm going to miss. For once in my life, I've learned to live in the moment instead of leaping to the next stage prematurely.

I'm also getting more comfortable with the unknown. I like to keep my plans...well planned. I like to know what I'm doing. I like to be in control. Well, that's impossible. I don't really run anything. And God isn't going to tell me anything I'm not ready for. Joyce Meyers lectured about trusting God when you don't understand what's going on. It makes a lot of sense once it's brought to your attention. Why would God tell you everything that's going to happen? Then you'd have as much information as Him, and isn't He the only All-knowing being? Exactly.

Success: I think success is a journey we walk on blind-folded. We won't even know we're there until we get there. Our best bet is to believe good things are going to happen, sow the seeds, and just walk straight. We're like little naked alien babies. Oblivious to what the future holds. I kinda like the mystery of it all.

Day 003: Hey Jesus, Can I Have This?

Title:
I realized, and I'm not sure what hit me on the head to see this, but I realized I was doing things kinda out of order. Being the Christian that I am, I followed the guidelines of be obedient to God and all will go well. I was essentially obeying God so I can have what I want. My outlook was totally off.

Moving Right Along:
I was watching a skit by the "Skit Guys", a Christian skit group. They're awesome, check them out Skit Guys.  And I started understanding God's Love. It's there for a reason, He's trying to protect us from ourselves. What was He protecting me from? My skewed focus. I shouldn't have been following God just so I can get what I want on earth. After all, isn't earth temporary? I should be following God, because of my love for Him, because He sent His son to die for me. And if I love Him and do the work that He put me on the earth to do, then He would also help me reach my earthly goals.

I'm not gonna lie, I probably didn't prove myself worthy of any of my goals the other day when I was a drunken mess. So, I'm cutting out the alcohol until I can drink like I have some sense. But anyway, that's something to think about another day.

Success: I don't think I'd truly be successful if I didn't have God on my side.
Mark 8: 26- "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" 
Well, it's no good. No good at all. When I do reach the pinnacle of my success, I want to turn around while accepting my Emmy and see Jesus doing the jerk, because I'm a child of His and I'm doing it BIG!

Day 002- Mercy Housing, Not Mercy Hospital...Stupid.

The Title:

I had a phone interview for Mercy Housing yesterday. I stupidly thought, while setting up the interview, that the receptionist said Mercy Hospital, which I too applied for back in April. So what did I do? Researched that hospital like there was no tomorrow, only to be totally thrown off when I found out that was not at all what I was interviewing for. I used quick google skills to make up for my mistake and now, I really like the organization and hope I haven't flubbed everything up in the natural "Krystal Flubbing" way that I often do things.

Moving Right Along:

I became so down-trodden after making this mistake. I Little Debbie snack caked myself to death, resulting in a food coma, then a drunken night of vodka and poker with some friends. Resulting in a regrettable hook up and a lazy Friday. What is wrong with me? I feel like I could've handled that situation better, but I'm not going to lie; I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to make my next step to get to where I'm trying to get. And no one seems to understand where I'm coming from. I don't wanna take a year off, what does that even mean? I don't want to go back to Detroit. I don't want to do anything that's not getting me to my dream. I just wanna do what I wanna do and make myself happy. To me, success = happiness. And maybe I'm being a brat and everyone else is right. I guess I won't know until it's late July and I'm leaving Lansing and going somewhere. I really feel disconnected from everyone right now and I'm screwing up my whole re-Christian-ifying myself plan. It makes me wanna yell out Mercy!...Housing, not Hospital.

Success: Success is probably going to take patience. And it's your own individual journey that no one else can understand. You can share your dreams with others, but they don't know how bad you want it, or why you stress the way you do.

Day 001- It's not a Panini if it doesn't have cheese on it

The Title:

A girl wanted to order a hot panini at my job today, but with no cheese and then proceeded to be really really confused about how sandwiches work in general.

Moving Right Along:

My dad kinda wants to know what my next move is, or at least that's what his girlfriend has informed me of. I get most of my best info from him through her. Which is helpful, because I don't speak "men" and that's the language my dad is fluent in. Here's what I know, I am moving to Chicago July 16th-ish. Do I have the apartment for sure? No. Do I have the job for sure? No. Am I the most positive and motivated, walking blindly in faith person ever? Duh.

I have to go to Chicago, it's where Second City theatre is (well it's also in Toronto and Los Angelos, but that's just not..no..I mean, no). I like the city and since I can't possibly go to New York right now, I might as well go to the comedy capital of the world! (or America, it's one of the two). So yes, I'm going to blindly walk right into where I wanna be. I have another phone interview tomorrow, so I'm resting up my vocal cords and sharpening my mind...and wearing my pj's because they can't see me.

Success: I think that success starts in your mind and manifests from there. You have to be happy no matter what situation you're in and work towards being in the situation you want to be in. Do I like arguing with people over their stupid lunch sandwiches? No. But one day, if I work hard enough, I'll be able to write a show where a character much like myself argues over sandwiches...and salads, ughh, making salads there is annoying.