48: You Can't Trick a Woman Whose Got God-Goggles...

The title: I got a special eyeglass prescription from God.

If you read my blog or know me, you know I wanna get married when I'm around 27 or 28. If you know anything about life, you know it never goes according to plan. So when I get invitations to go out on a date, sometimes I do. I rarely do, but lately I've felt friendlier, so I said "sure". But one thing I do differently now that I'm closer to God, is pray for His eyes to become my eyes on the date.

I straight up asked God, "If he's not the one, please don't let me waste my time and let it be easy to get rid of him" and on the positive aspect, "If he is the one, let me get to know him and see him clearly as the person he is."

Well, I went on that date and I saw with eyes soooo clear, he was not it. He claimed to be Christian, and probably is, but we weren't equally yoked. For all the Christian singles out there, you know how badly a mix match yoke can go. I'm at a point where my sole focus is God and my secondary one is getting together my career. With chasing God as my main goal, I feel like I can only date someone who's running that same direction, not "considering it a little" or "in questioning". And I don't judge those who are. We all have some issues at some point in our lives regarding religion and God. But it would be unwise for me to link on to someone going through that process.

So, these God-Goggles:

Ladies (and Gents), if you are a Christian in the dating scene, have your list of morals and values ready. You want someone who is not going to even think about asking you to bring yourself down. It's not being uppity, it's being the best you, you can be.

There are certain things I dislike. When I prayed, I think God helped me find out these things about this guy really upfront, by showing me he had traits I could not stand for.

1. You're not having sex with me, so why are you thinking about it?
In a very sexually active world, I have to be upfront with guys and let them know, that if it's sex you want, I'm sorry, I cannot provide. I don't get offended if a guy turns me down for that, either. I'd rather you turn me down and not try to "trick" me into bed. It's far more honorable to be upfront. Some Christians don't have a problem with premarital sex (I mean I didn't before either), but it is not in God's plan for us, so it's not in God's plan for me.

2. Over the top flattery.
I'm not dumb. I have a healthy self-esteem and a loving inner circle. When a guy starts spouting flattery that is over the top, it seems a bit cunning to me. He wants you to think you're the most amazing girl in the world and that ONLY he can see you for that. All those past guys were fools to pass up such a ...yadda yadda yadda. Let's be a real. A compliment is a compliment, but being manipulative is just plain wrong.

3. Too fast, too soon.
From all the Christian relationships and even secular relationships (that were successful) I've read about,  they all had a simple formula. You get to know each other first. How else do you even know if you wanna be around this person? There are lots of good and bad that come up OVER TIME. You can't possibly see a person for who they really are in a matter of a couple weeks or months. The first six months of a relationship are like a honeymoon state. You don't get into the meat of it until around 6 months to a year. So slow it down please. And once again, sometimes guys (only ones with bad intentions) are trying to speed ahead to make the girl feel like they can be comfortable to be around them. Oh, I feel so close to you...it's like we've known each other forever, here, do me. No thanks.

4. Making up chemistry that is not there!
You like who you like. Just because you're attracted to each other, doesn't mean you'll click. Here I am, sitting on a date with a guy that I'm not clicking with at all. He smells like cigarettes, he keeps putting his arm around me, and he likes the dirty jokes waaaay too much (I mean at least don't let the girl know you think the dirty jokes are that awesome). My posture is uninviting. Yet somehow he thinks this is the start of something great? No, he's shoving a square peg into a circle whole.

5. Manipulation using God.
God is great at bringing events, things, and people together when it's His plan and His time. He's also great at bringing together the right people. A guy told me "Maybe God brought me to you". Well...God didn't tell me that. Why would God be telling you that, but not telling me that...or are those your words and assumptions?

Okay, those are my red flags. If I see those, then I know this is not it. This is not worth being around. I'm not gonna sit and watch this fall apart. And then God graciously gives me an exit route.  Sometime, later in my dating experiences, I'll be able to say what some green flags are, but I can only write about what I experience, and I don't know those yet :)

47: Loving Others, One Giant Human Hug

The Title: Did you know it's commanded of us?

I'm on a mission to love others as God loves us. This is challenging. God's love is so pure and unforced. He just loves us. He sees the good in us and strives to help us run out the bad. But how can I see the good in people?

My first realization is to humble myself and realize I'm not perfect. This puts me on the same playing field as the others that I get so irritated with. Next, I must remember it is a commandment.


"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another"  John 13:34

It doesn't get much clearer than that. And I do truly want to love everyone, so I'm making this my next spiritual mission. I'm not sure how to measure my growth in this area, but it's still worth moving towards. 


I had a few incidents where I realized I just can't stand to be around some people. But I have to separate my disliking of their personality, from my love for that person. I don't have much development of this yet, but I will try. Starting with my list of people I can't stand to be around. It's tough times, but I'm gonna do it.

46- It's Incremental, But It's Something

The Title: It's about small small changes.

Moving Right Along: It's hard for me to really point out in what ways God has helped me grow or change. Not saying that He hasn't done this, just saying it's such a subtle process, it's often passed by in my mind. I recently encountered a situation (a good situation) and this is when I saw some change.

To be as vague and as specific as possible: If I met someone, I would immediately begin to wonder what kind of friendship would come of it. Should I trust this person, be around them, ignore them. If they made a promise and broke it, I'd be super effected by it. It was a mess.

I handle things differently, now that I am trusting God. I trust that every encounter I have has a purpose to it. No not everyone I meet is out to do me harm, not everyone I meet will end up being a lifelong friend, but I will learn something from them or teach them something. There's a reason God created these encounters, so I don't stress about them, I learn to enjoy them for what they are.

This is something small that I don't even know how it happened. But I learned that I am trusting God. I've learned that He won't lead me astray. And the hardest thing ever, that I'm still working on everyday, it learning to love people. This is my next journey, join me :)

45- Cookie Cutter, Cake, Christians

The title: I never wanted to call my blog a Christian blog, but finally I've realized the reasons I'd been avoiding this were silly. I wanted to avoid judgment and being shaped into a gingerbread girl.

Moving Right Along: What is a gingerbread girl? In my mind it's the little box you get put into when you admit that you are a devout Christian. People begin to think you have to act a certain way. In some ways that is right. You should be filled with love, kindness, graciousness, all the things that Jesus was. But what people and even Christians sometimes fail to realize is you aren't immediately transformed into this "perfect" person. In fact, I wish it was that easy. So for the sake of keeping myself out of the watchful eyes of others I pawned myself off as a Jesus-enthusiast, but not really a Christian Woman. Sometimes saying you're a Christian can have a negative spin to it, because there are "Christians" who call themselves Christians, but don't exhibit a single characteristic of Christ and aren't living to please him. So people wanna test you.

I heard two sermons in relatively close proximity of each other about "Not Being Ashamed of the Gospel". I was like, "No, duh, I'm not ashamed to belong to Christ". But when you hear something more than once, sometimes you start to look yourself over. I was reading my blogs and I realized I had not initially meant for my blog to be religious at all. It was originally all about me reaching success in life. But then God started working with me and helped me realize I needed success to reach the afterlife with Him. Then it became about balance. Realizing I live in this world and can have success in the areas I want, but ultimately I should be striving to be with Him too.

Sometimes I was afraid to write posts. But other times I felt like I had to write posts. One of the beautiful things of walking with Christ is sharing the joy that comes from it. It's also great to inspire people who never considered walking with God. It's tough, because as a Christian, your beliefs are tested on a regular basis. People want to trick you into showing your imperfections. But I constantly tell people, I'm not perfect, so in a way, I win (yes!)

So how do you avoid this cookie cutter/cake and ice cream/banana pudding (I think I'm just hungry) Christian character. First you have to acknowledge that it doesn't exist. You don't have to change your whole personality to be a Christian. I'm a comedy writer, so I'm a big jokester. I don't have to change into a super serious person that goes around yelling scriptures. That's not who God made me to be. I can reach people with God's message through being me and letting Him shine through me. So yes, this is a Christian-based blog!

44- My Dad Will Have To Buy A Cow

The title: Today after reading over my share of courtship stories, I decided to get my Dad involved with this whole shabang....read for further understanding.

Moving Right Along: I've been fascinated with courtship stories for a few months now. As I grow stronger in Christ, I realize that there are certain things I take more seriously. Staying in His will is a big one, living a righteous life, and finally making sure when I do things that are earthly (career, relationships, etc), they edify God and His glory. So I'm taking marriage more seriously than how it's often taken in this world. I know that God has a perfect mate for me and I must be patient, I also don't want to get married anytime soon so I've got lots of time to focus on my relationship with God and getting this bomb-diggity career going. But what about these courtship stories?

Well I read them on this site: http://ylcf.org/courtship-stories/three/.
I was really excited to come across them, because their aren't a whole lot of examples of Christian dating readily available. And I don't mean the frivolous dating we do nowadays, where you say "Okay, let's try this out with no direction in sight." I mean the ultimate goal of dating is to get to know each other and decide if this is your life partner. So this database was great.... but then I couldn't find anything that I could relate to. All the people were in these ideal fantasy Christian, two parent home, and generally home schooled fairy tale, that I just couldn't relate to....

So I called my Dad, because these stories always have an interception, where the man talks to the father about courting his daughter and then ultimately things go from there. I expressed to my Dad that he needs to help me in this process. I told him he should find me a suitor when I'm close to the age of 27. He then asks that since we're doing this the old-fashioned way, would he be required to give the guy's family a cow... No, he will not be required to do this...unless my future husband is from a village.

But still, I wanted to relate to these stories. I wanted to hear from a Christian Woman that was more like me! Why wasn't there a story written from someone like me?! Well, I clicked around and "boom" there it was. A wedding photographer who prayed, got into a relationship with a God-loving videographer, who fell in love, got married, and are having a baby. Here's a link to her blog: http://www.evangelinerenee.com/
It was important for me to find an example from someone like her, because:
She feels like a real person. She has a creative job that she loves. She married another creative person. She travels a lot for work, yet was still able to find love. It reaffirms my belief that there is no cookie-cutter Christian. I don't have to be the daughter of a pastor, or aspire to be a stay-at-home mom, or any of those crazy "7th Heaven"-esque stereotypes that people (and accidentally I) throw on Christians. I was created by a God who loves me and knows what I want and will match me with the right person.

...and my Dad won't even have to buy a cow...but a goat, maybe.

43- Unsettling Feelings

The title: I'm writing at 6 AM, because there's something bothering me so much, I can't even sleep. I guess you can say I'm having unsettling feelings.

Moving Right Along: I know that God forgives you for your sins, but I still find it hard to forgive myself. I had a particular sin that plagued me and I guess God taught me a lesson by humiliating me. Or maybe I did this to myself. Every time I think about it, I feel physically sick; my stomach hurts, I feel extremely angry, and I wanna just flee to anywhere. I know I have social anxiety problems, so there is a great chance that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I literally don't have the skills to rationalize this situation. All I feel is anger. How can people tease you behind your back. You don't bring up their short comings. Then they make snide comments and play with your mind about the situation. Sure it's nothing to them, but it's a big deal to you. I feel huge betrayal of myself and others. God forgives me. I don't forgive myself. And I feel a huge distrust of others. I wish I could let this go, but I think it's going to have a huge impact on my behavior for a while.

42- You're Hard to Think About

When I have a happy thought of you,
I quickly erase it.
Wipe it off with a thick towel woven out of anger.
You hurt me,
It's hard to say "I forgive you",
Though I know I should.
I don't understand you.
I feel like I never truly knew you.

I never believe in people being from different sides of the tracks.
We are not fiction,
We are flesh and blood.
You knew my story,
You touched my heart.
You knew my dreams,
You changed me,
At first for the good,
But then for the worst.

The pain I felt, I tried to laugh off.
It should be a joke.
You and I, we were a joke...
Right?
Had to be.
By mere appearance, we were laughable.
We were different.
But it didn't matter to me.
I focused on commonalities and fell into some illusion of love.

But I've learned that I fall too easily.
So now I have a heart that's stuck in some funhouse maze.
Running into mirrors,
Seeing itself.
Wanting revenge,
But knowing that's wrong.
Wanting to understand,
But knowing some things aren't understandable.
Mostly just wanting, to be able to forgive.

But how can you forgive someone that isn't sorry.
Someone who hurts and can't possibly fathom the power.
The power you had over my heart?
Too much power.
I lost you as a lover,
I detested you as a friend.
And now...you're hard to think about.
I don't want to think about you.
But I acknowledge in some ways I have to,
In order to heal a pain I've ignored and tried to bury.

41- Our Human Expectations of Other Humans

There's a bible verse (and I paraphrase) "When your mother and father forsake you, I will take you up". I learned this verse at a very young age, but I always felt it was very sad. Why would your parents forsake you? I found it very hard to believe that the people that brought you into this world would ever do you harm.

Have you ever been hurt by someone and it hits you hard like a surprising slap in the face? I've had times when I was so consumed in the title of a person  ("mother", "father", "best friend", "boyfriend"), that I lost the very essence of who they are- human. Just because someone holds an important title in your life, doesn't mean they will never hurt you. It can be intentional or unintentional. No one should ever be on a pedestal in your heart, except God. We open ourselves up for let down when we place these people there. I have two examples that helped me reach this point.

I've always had a weird relationship with my mother. One filled with love, but also strained with countless differences in life views. I am a very positive person, while she is...not, I guess. But every time she walks out of my life, I fall apart and every time she comes back, I run to her like a baby, totally forgetting the past hurts. Well, I always wonder why it hurts so much. Why do I open up this wound so frequently? I was given this answer: God is Love.  Yes, it's right for me to love my mother, God commands it. But it is wrong for me to put her on a pedestal  and expect her to be a certain "type" of mom. She will never be the moms I see on TV and there is nothing written that says she has to be. She just has to be herself and we just have to love each other. Which we do. So should I be surprised that she's not perfect? No. Though, it is rather frustrating. What creates this hurt inside of me, is expecting her to be someone she is not. I'm hurting myself, essentially.

The second one, I'm sure many women can relate to. At some point many of us have had a boyfriend that didn't fulfill what we wanted in a mate. We tried to mold him and shape him into what we wanted. After all, he is "the boyfriend", he is supposed to be: handsome, smart, caring.....oh but wait, is he really? Or is he just supposed to be himself? Every guy I've dated in my adult life (which is only like two guys...), I've always had an issue with their ideologies on life and approaches to things. I expected them to be some kinda way and when they didn't match up with that, I found myself sorely disappointed. There are two issues with this. One, if I wanted a guy that met my wishlist, I should've dated a guy that met my wishlist, not try to create one. And two, the title doesn't create the person. Example:

One of my -exes was not particularly compassionate about others in general. I grew up being taught to care about people and help people in whatever way I can. With this upbringing, I've always wanted to change the world. When I needed some help from him on a particular matter, he did not come through for me. It hurt so much. How could that be? He was my boyfriend, he was supposed to care about my feelings and needs. But I already knew, before dating him, that he was not a compassionate person. Making him my boyfriend did not instantly bleed my compassion onto him. I put him on a pedestal and for some reason was surprised when he didn't meet my expectations.

So what I'm saying in all this is, don't be surprised when people fail you, because there is a God that will surely never let you down. Also, it's great to surround yourself with people you know care about you, that are like-minded in values. They know how to be good friends and you are good back to them. But once you have this solid group of caring people around you, don't fall to pieces if they leave you, or hurt you, because they are only human. You'd be surprised who've you unintentionally hurt. Set your expectations appropriately. That is something I'm still learning. 

40- There's More Than One Way to Eat A Reese's

The title: There's more than one way to look at things. If you get stuck looking at things one way for too long, you might miss other avenues. Like getting the center of the Reese's out first and then eating the edge. I find that gives you a great chocolate to peanut butter ratio.

Moving Right Along: I have a person in my life that I love very much. I love her, but at times I don't like the things she does or how she treats me or others, but she is family. The thing about it is, she's in my life. I don't want her out of it, I just want to figure out how to deal. When I prayed about the situation (which I've done for years now), I always prayed that God would help her with her problems. I wanted Him to change her and help her. But this never seemed to change anything. I thought, surely if anyone is big enough to help her with her problems it's God.

Today, I expressed this feeling with my friend Robitussin*, when she pointed out a great thing. She suggested I pray to change myself to better deal with the person. A huge light bulb erupted from my head. What? Change me? That's...a great idea. Duh. I already knew that you can't change people, but for some reason I thought prayer would do that if your intentions were right and out of love. But how can you change someone if they don't want to change. Obviously the issues this person have, don't bother them. She doesn't care. (Even though I really wish she did). So my new focus is on, changing me. And in changing me, it will change the way I interact with her and things will at some point get better.