16- Whose Kid Is That?

The Title: I often times wonder who is the parent to random kids at get-togethers. Especially, if the kid is misbehaving. I have been around a lot of kids over the last two days and there is always and will always be random unsupervised kids. In fact, I can hear kids outside my house right now and it's 11:21! Go yo butt to bed.

Moving Right Along: Two major things right now. I've been talking about being happy everyday of my life and how I think it's completely possible. Well, another thing I'd like to focus on is "Living in the Now" which is called "Mindfulness". It takes practice. You actually have to try to keep your mind focused on just this day. Today. From what I read it means doing things without being so focused on the outcome. Getting rid of your expectations creates less stress. I would love less stress. In fact, right now in my life (being temporarily jobless, school-less, pretty much having no true obligations) I should be so stress-free. But the absence of the daily activities I usually have was stressing me out. So let's analyze this:

When I had a job and was going to school, I was stressed.
When I had a job and was not going to school, slightly less stress.
No job, no school= stressed?

That makes no sense. So in order to enjoy this small window of freedom, I have to live in the now. Yes, I do have to be frugal currently, but enjoying your day doesn't require money. Being happy doesn't require money. I think we'd be shocked if we wrote out how much money we actually NEED to survive. But then again, I currently live in other people's houses... Despite this, I'm going to practice mindfulness and see the awesome results of having a more fulfilled life.

The other thing interesting right now is, I did my first stand-up set at my bestfriend's family party. It wasn't terrible, in fact for me and what I'd worried, it was quite decent. I got a few laughs and I wasn't too terrified. The only other time I did stand-up was when I was auditioning for a stand-up contest and that went poorly. I felt like I was rushing through and wasn't being myself. Now that I have a better understanding of myself, it's easier. It's like I know my voice now. Ya dig? Anywho, I'm not sure if stand-up is something I'll actively pursue, because I'm more of an improviser and writer. I like having other people with me on stage, it's fun and supportive. I did like being alone in some ways though, because I got to see what gets a laugh and there were no distractions. Both art forms are great. Yabba Dabba Doo.

15- Oatmeal For Two

The Title: This morning my goddaughter and I ate oatmeal for breakfast. We pretended we were in a restaurant. The restaurant is called "Oatmeal for Two", but it only serves oatmeal for breakfast. So I'm guessing the restaurant name changes throughout the day.

Moving Right Along: Earlier I felt kinda down. There was no reason that I could pinpoint. I tried to blame the weather, but I'm trying this new thing where I don't blame anything on exterior happenings, but look inside myself. The weather being dreary should not have control over my mood. If you think about it, that's kinda stupid.... Why let that hold your happiness, it's just clouds and rain. So I researched how to be happy everyday. It's relatively simple, but I can see how much practice it will take to change old ways.

1. Smile, just make it a habit.
2. Be conscious of your thoughts. Are they negative? Change them. Think about things you like, listen to your favorite song, youtube some funny stuff.
3. Stay away from negative people. This one is hard, because sometimes it requires not answering your phone, blocking off some people, or getting some new friends. 
4. Focus on your haves instead of your have-nots and be thankful.
5. Be slow to anger. And quick to listen and understand. Don't let people irritate you to point of it effecting your happiness. 

I gathered this list from 

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Be-Happy-Everyday---Simple-Ways-to-Help-You-Stay-Happy-Always&id=2737342

and edited it into something I believe can fit my life.

I'm challenging myself to be happy everyday. I truly believe you can make life a pleasant experience.

14- He Was Number One!

The Title: It's taken from the infamous inside joke that my goddaughter and bestfriends have been saying all day. I don't even know the joke, but whatever it is it cracks them up. That and this one: knock knock, who's there? Orange-banana. Yes, that's not how the joke goes at all, but try to tell that to a five year old.

Moving Right Along: I was so bummed out the other day, which rationally I can say makes no sense. I acknowledge that I have graduated and fulfilled many things that I was supposed to do, but I put so much pressure on myself to be at the next step, excelling and knocking down barriers. I think I was failing to see the enjoyment of being in the "now". I am staying at my grandma's house currently (which is my home, honestly). I get to relax everyday and spend time with my grandma. No work, no school, I should really be enjoying this. But all I could see is, "I don't know my next step". Well, in all this bummed out nature, I completely blocked myself off from my friends and didn't want to talk to anyone. Afterall, I was the kid who boo-hooed at a B- back in grade school, so how could I appear so "unprepared" after college? Well, messages of hope come from the most obscure places. One of my aunt's called me, my dad's sister, and I don't talk to her as much as I probably should. Originally, I missed the call and seeing her name on my phone, I thought something was wrong. Then, my phone went out of service, so I thought, "well, maybe it's not meant for us to talk". I'm very excited that I chose to call her back. She comforted me and helped me regain my positivity. She reaffirmed for me what I already know, and that's that if something is your destiny (and I believe that comedy writing is in fact mine), nothing can keep you away from it. It may be delayed for a moment and it may not go exactly right, but all in all, nothing can keep you away from it. Simply speak what you want into the universe.

Success is: living your life like you're already in the place you want to be, because you believe without a doubt, that you're going to get there. 

13- Build A Bear, Where Best Friends Are Made

The title: Build-a-Bear really is where best friends are made. I just got a teddy bear that kinda resembles me and we are awesome together.

Moving Right Along- Wait on the Lord. I hear this sooo much. I'm not a patient person. I have the worst patience in all of "Impatience Land", a city that doesn't exist, because the citizens couldn't wait on the paper work to go through. I'm waiting to hear back from this job. I did the proper "thank you letter" a week after the interview and once two weeks rolls around I will be calling to do a follow-up. I don't know why I'm fretting, really. I guess I just have an idea in my mind of how life is supposed to work and it doesn't. It never unfolds the way I think it will. Does this mean I should no longer have expectations? Maybe I should just set my expectations to a more realistic setting. Something like your imagination has one outcome, but welcome whatever outcome you get, because that's exactly how things should go anyway.

In other news, I've been reading this book "What To Do Until Love Finds You". It's a well-written book, I could do without the poems, but other than that, it's a great guide for Christian women looking to build a lasting Christ-based relationship with their potential mate. But.....

Yep, there's always buts with me, it's just the stage I'm in. I don't understand. The author, and yes, she's probably an amazing person, is in her 50's. She is still patiently waiting for her life partner. Did she ever want kids, I wonder. So many of the devout Christian women I know are single. I'm not looking to get married anytime soon. I like being young and free, etc. But I do want to know that when I get to that point, my beliefs won't leave me single at 60. I totally believe that God will introduce us to our soul mates, but then, there's the whole thing of how men have to be the pursuer and women aren't supposed to, well when I like a guy, I sit there in my cute jewelry and meticulously picked out top, but I don't know if he'll actually get what I'm trying to say. I'm not that kind of girl. I don't sit in the background thinking "pick me". And yet I meet another crossroad with Christianity. So he picks me...well did I pick him back? Do I even want him. Why can't I pick? I just don't get it.

I may not understand this for a while, but I plan to talk to my first lady about it. But really I shouldn't care, because I've got a lot of self work to do. I can't imagine dating anyone right now with all the self-construction going on inside of me.

12- I Should Buy Some Allergy Medication

The Title: Allergy season started like three months ago and I still haven't bought anything for my very hardcore allergies. I don't know what I'm allergic to and can never pin point what is making my sneeze, but my memory is not good enough to actually remember to buy Benadryl or Sneezadryl or Nasaldripadryl when I go to the store.

Moving Right Along: I move back home for however long this Wednesday. I'm excited for the food and stress-free life. But then I'd like to immediately run back into the workforce. The stress keeps me alive! And relatively thin :). I've taken a new approach to life. It can only be described as a shrug and "eh, we'll see". Whenever a new challenge or questionable roadblock appears I'll shrug and go "eh, we'll see". I won't fret and over analyze, because I'm typically wrong whenever I do that. I'm just gonna play things by ear and faith. It's a conscious decision, because I'm a worrier. It's been in my blood since I can remember, but that doesn't mean I can't change it. It's just going to take a lot of work.

Sneeze, sneeze.

11- Cat Lady

That's it, I'm going to become an old cat lady.
But I'm gonna do it with style.
I'm going to be the best cat lady ever.
Oh, sure, I know what you're thinking,
I still have some time to avoid this fate.
I'm pretty enough to live a regular life free of flees and scratch marks.
Well, you don't understand!
But perhaps Fluffy, Phuzzy, Mittens, Whiskers and Kwanzaa will.
I'll still appear normal on the streets.
I won't wear sweaters with cats on them or anything.
I'll keep my obsession relatively quiet until I enter my doorway.
Oh, and then you see the truth.
Cat posters and toys and coffee mugs shaped like cats.
Cats running an underground drug warehouse in the bathroom.
Cats making hors d'oeuvres in the kitchen.
A cat giving another cat a massage.
Four cats square dancing while a jealous fifth cat stands in the corner with a butcher knife.
A cat teaching a kitten how to tie his shoe.
Another cat pointing out that the kitten doesn't need shoes and they need to watch their expenses.
The two cats arguing about how they're always penny pinching.
Domestic violence of these cats ensue.
The kitten going to the guidance counselor cat.
A cat talking on the phone to his parole officer.
Van Gogh cat cutting his ear off and giving it to a girl cat.
A three-legged cat teaching another cat how to Dougie.
And etc.
And yes, all of this takes place in a studio apartment.
After all, cat ladies don't need much space,
Just lots and lots of cats.
To fill a void perhaps.
And I can't have kids, because the cats will for sure eat it or give it rabies.
And I can't have a boyfriend, because he'll be allergic to cats and lunacy.
And I can't have a husband, because I can't afford the mail order ones due to rising cat expenses.
My family will try to contact me, but one of the cats swallowed my phone,
So while I hear the *ring ring*, I can't pinpoint whose belly it's in.
(I've narrowed it down to Filmore and Hefner Cat)
At some point I'll die because Wheel of Fortune gets cancelled,
But not to worry,
My loving 78 cats will pull together their resources and throw me a blowout of a funeral.
So don't cry for me being a cat lady.
I'm sure I'll be okay.
Meeee...Owww.

Day 010: Those Shoes Are Decorative

The Title: I had a doctor's appointment and my very nervous talking doctor checked out my sore ankle. He looks at my shoes and goes "Those are uh...decorative, but uh...you should wear um... some shoes with a thick sole and um...laces". That's the weirdest way I've ever heard anyone say "Wear comfortable walking shoes".

Moving Right Along:
This is mutha flippin' ridiculous. I'm a freakout-aholic. Typically, it just seems like I'm freaking out, but I'm not, I'm just very dramatic and eccentric...oh but wait, it might still be that. No no, it's not. I'm recently having a lot of issues with over-thinking, so I'm going to go back to filling out these little anxiety worksheets I used to do. I just wish I could not care about things sometimes. That may sound stupid, but it's absolutely true. Some people just kind of float through a day. I'm constantly trying to attack the day and accomplish five billion things. I can't keep living this way, I'll be dead by thirty-five and three quarters. And I can't die then, because I'm supposed to go on a Disney Cruise at that age! You know what, Bloom might outlive me. I hate that cat! (I love that cat).

In other news...I'm staring at my 80 percent packed up belongings. Awesome! I've never packed this efficiently. I'm actually excited to go live with granny for a bit. Free food. I don't have to cook it. Access to free laundry. Hearing stories about how I'm related to Lionel Richie...we really are, I'm just not sure in what way. Teaching my granny how to use the internet. It's all just really fun.

30 Rock Spec Script is going well also....yabba dabba dookie.

Day 009: OMG, I Have Nine Days to Get Out of Here

The Title: I only have nine days left to move out of here. I'm bad with noticing these things until the last minute.

Moving Right Along: Tomorrow, I find out for sure, for sure, if I got the job at Little Black Pearl. I feel pretty confident, I just really hope they call me or email me early in the day so I'm not a nervous wreck all day. I'm packing up all my stuff and driving it to granny's house. I'll probably stay there for about two weeks or so before I move. But the funny thing is all of this is up in the air. No settled details at all. But that's kind of how things have been going in this whole process. It's teaching me to be comfortable with times of instability.

In other aspects of my life I'm not doing as super great as I'd like. I was really trying to straighten up and be a practicing Christian, but it's so easy to just slide right off the track. My spirituality is increasingly important to me, so I plan to make efforts towards this. I've realized I really don't like a lot of the things of this world. While I want to be financially stable and even buy nice things, I don't want to frolic in the idea of things. I went to the mall today with some friends and they are really into clothes and shoes and bags. Maybe that's not an interest of mine, because I don't have a lot of money, but really, the whole thing just makes me somewhat uncomfortable. And there's so much music that talks about material things. I've never had a pair of shoes that can comfort me and help me through hard times. I like to look nice, but I don't ever want to be consumed (not saying that my friends are). The world is also a kind of angry place. People are hot-headed with each other and people don't give each other a benefit of the doubt. When I was in my early teens I remember thinking "I don't wanna live in this world", not in a suicidal way, but in a everyone seems so unhappy way. I stopped feeling this way when I got older, but lately I'm slowly getting dragged into this again and it makes me want to seclude myself.

Finally, how active should an adults imagination be? Lately I'm in a daze of made up scenarios and yes I'm a writer so this should all be great, but if I know me, and I do, some of this fantasy world will seep over into reality world and cause some type of weirdness. I think I need to step my writing game up to fulfill my creative side so that I can hold fast to my sanity...I'm a very bizarre person.

Success: Success is when you win an award that's ugly looking, like the Mark Twain award. It's not flashy or metallic at all. It's just a carving of him. Gross.

Day 008: It Only Cost a Dollar, Stop Eating It

The title:
I went to McDonald's. Ate a bunch of food that I shouldn't have. Got a stomach ache midway through the a McDouble. Had to convince myself, "You don't have to finish it, it only costs a dollar, just throw it out".

Moving Right Along:
*Ish is real. I've got til the 21st to get out of my apartment and my last day of work is next Tuesday. Time flies when you're...watching Boy Meets World on the computer everyday. A lot is riding on my interview on Thursday, but I'm keeping it cool. I really feel like this is the right place for me, even if others are not being very understanding right now. Not that they mean to, it's just care and caution speaking more than trust in my ability to make decisions. But that's how it goes when people love you. They are less willing to understand the risks you take, because they don't want to see you hurt. It's a lot easier for the person who's life it is, to just step out on a limb.

And now, a rant about my pet peeves in food service (in honor of my last week at Bruegger's).....

Pet Peeves in Food Service

1. I say 'hi', the person immediately starts ordering, without any form of greeting.
2. People ask you how much everything cost, ignoring the menu and prices behind you.
3. The inability for people well over the age of 18 to place an order.
4. Whispering your order.
5. Pronouncing every possible thing wrong, with such certainty.
6. Taking 10 minutes to make up your mind, as if this meal is your last.
7. Wearing headphones and not hearing me call "next".
8. Talking on the phone and then putting your finger up for me to hold on 'til you're done.
9. Keeping your dime and two pennies and blatantly ignoring the "tip" jar.
10. Acting surprised when your sandwich has a certain ingredient on it, despite the ingredients being listed on the menu. (OMG, this comes with tomatoes.)
11. Parents ordering for their 20-something year old child.
12. Fathers ordering for the whole family, while the mom tells him what to order. (It's an echo, when I can obviously hear and see you woman, just order your own food)
13. Ordering things we don't serve.
14. Saying my name conversationally and often, just because it's on the name tag. 
15. Frowning from the time you came in to the time you left and then not saying thank you.

Honestly, I have enjoyed my job. I like working with people and it is truly not bad times at all. But there are definitely things I have to question when it comes to certain customers. Also, my friend Aron would like me to add "He is a doobie head", whatever that is.

Day 007: Prunes Are Kinda Good

The title:
I've committed to eating prunes, because I'm obviously an old woman.

Moving Right Along:
Remember that nervous excitement you got on Christmas Eve as a kid? It kinda tingled in your belly. I have that feeling right now. I'm enacting a top-secret (...well like six people know) plan, where ultimately, I will have fun, my stress level will be low, and I'll be able to think clearly for two whole days. It's not like "me time", because I'm alone for at least five hours a day always. It's more like self-exploration, by putting myself in an unfamiliar setting. I'm pretty much rambling, because I don't wanna say what it is I'm doing yet, but in a few days it'll all be "giggity". I'm also packing up my room and I think I will be moving pretty lightly, which of course is what I wanted :)

Success: Everyone wants a successful poo. Eat your prunes and you can't go wrong.

Day 006: Lambie is Just Filthy

The Title:
Today I started a cleaning/packing/sorting process. It's not moving super fast, but it is moving. I decided to wash a stuffed animal of mine named Lambie, that I've always thought was cute and cuddly. My cat has been destroying it since he grew to about the same size as it. After getting it somewhat clean, I gave it back to Bloom (my cat), who treated it like a defiled cub. I guess he likes Lambie to be filthy.

Moving Right Along:
I talked to my momma bear today about my move and the job interview. The amazing thing about my mom is that she's very wise. Even in her zoned out, depressed-like state, she can still give solid opinions and back them with scripture. It's like at the core, she's an amazingly strong person. She approves of my moves I'm taking and for the things she doesn't quite get, she's kind enough to give me my space to make life decisions, be they failures or not, it's all about learning.

Success: Success starts when someone puts a seed in you and let's you know you can do it. I had my mom and grandma to give me the initial boost as a kid, that made me believe I can do anything. ( I honestly do believe I can do almost anything). Talking to my mom and seeing how our approaches to life can sometimes be similar, helped me realize I inherited the confidence and drive from her. In other news, success is also achieved through faith. I honestly believe that something is going to come through, so I'm getting my things ready. Regardless of what the outcome may be, I gotta get outta here by the 21st anyway. Tee heee.