11- Cat Lady

That's it, I'm going to become an old cat lady.
But I'm gonna do it with style.
I'm going to be the best cat lady ever.
Oh, sure, I know what you're thinking,
I still have some time to avoid this fate.
I'm pretty enough to live a regular life free of flees and scratch marks.
Well, you don't understand!
But perhaps Fluffy, Phuzzy, Mittens, Whiskers and Kwanzaa will.
I'll still appear normal on the streets.
I won't wear sweaters with cats on them or anything.
I'll keep my obsession relatively quiet until I enter my doorway.
Oh, and then you see the truth.
Cat posters and toys and coffee mugs shaped like cats.
Cats running an underground drug warehouse in the bathroom.
Cats making hors d'oeuvres in the kitchen.
A cat giving another cat a massage.
Four cats square dancing while a jealous fifth cat stands in the corner with a butcher knife.
A cat teaching a kitten how to tie his shoe.
Another cat pointing out that the kitten doesn't need shoes and they need to watch their expenses.
The two cats arguing about how they're always penny pinching.
Domestic violence of these cats ensue.
The kitten going to the guidance counselor cat.
A cat talking on the phone to his parole officer.
Van Gogh cat cutting his ear off and giving it to a girl cat.
A three-legged cat teaching another cat how to Dougie.
And etc.
And yes, all of this takes place in a studio apartment.
After all, cat ladies don't need much space,
Just lots and lots of cats.
To fill a void perhaps.
And I can't have kids, because the cats will for sure eat it or give it rabies.
And I can't have a boyfriend, because he'll be allergic to cats and lunacy.
And I can't have a husband, because I can't afford the mail order ones due to rising cat expenses.
My family will try to contact me, but one of the cats swallowed my phone,
So while I hear the *ring ring*, I can't pinpoint whose belly it's in.
(I've narrowed it down to Filmore and Hefner Cat)
At some point I'll die because Wheel of Fortune gets cancelled,
But not to worry,
My loving 78 cats will pull together their resources and throw me a blowout of a funeral.
So don't cry for me being a cat lady.
I'm sure I'll be okay.
Meeee...Owww.