There's a bible verse (and I paraphrase) "When your mother and father forsake you, I will take you up". I learned this verse at a very young age, but I always felt it was very sad. Why would your parents forsake you? I found it very hard to believe that the people that brought you into this world would ever do you harm.
Have you ever been hurt by someone and it hits you hard like a surprising slap in the face? I've had times when I was so consumed in the title of a person ("mother", "father", "best friend", "boyfriend"), that I lost the very essence of who they are- human. Just because someone holds an important title in your life, doesn't mean they will never hurt you. It can be intentional or unintentional. No one should ever be on a pedestal in your heart, except God. We open ourselves up for let down when we place these people there. I have two examples that helped me reach this point.
I've always had a weird relationship with my mother. One filled with love, but also strained with countless differences in life views. I am a very positive person, while she is...not, I guess. But every time she walks out of my life, I fall apart and every time she comes back, I run to her like a baby, totally forgetting the past hurts. Well, I always wonder why it hurts so much. Why do I open up this wound so frequently? I was given this answer: God is Love. Yes, it's right for me to love my mother, God commands it. But it is wrong for me to put her on a pedestal and expect her to be a certain "type" of mom. She will never be the moms I see on TV and there is nothing written that says she has to be. She just has to be herself and we just have to love each other. Which we do. So should I be surprised that she's not perfect? No. Though, it is rather frustrating. What creates this hurt inside of me, is expecting her to be someone she is not. I'm hurting myself, essentially.
The second one, I'm sure many women can relate to. At some point many of us have had a boyfriend that didn't fulfill what we wanted in a mate. We tried to mold him and shape him into what we wanted. After all, he is "the boyfriend", he is supposed to be: handsome, smart, caring.....oh but wait, is he really? Or is he just supposed to be himself? Every guy I've dated in my adult life (which is only like two guys...), I've always had an issue with their ideologies on life and approaches to things. I expected them to be some kinda way and when they didn't match up with that, I found myself sorely disappointed. There are two issues with this. One, if I wanted a guy that met my wishlist, I should've dated a guy that met my wishlist, not try to create one. And two, the title doesn't create the person. Example:
One of my -exes was not particularly compassionate about others in general. I grew up being taught to care about people and help people in whatever way I can. With this upbringing, I've always wanted to change the world. When I needed some help from him on a particular matter, he did not come through for me. It hurt so much. How could that be? He was my boyfriend, he was supposed to care about my feelings and needs. But I already knew, before dating him, that he was not a compassionate person. Making him my boyfriend did not instantly bleed my compassion onto him. I put him on a pedestal and for some reason was surprised when he didn't meet my expectations.
So what I'm saying in all this is, don't be surprised when people fail you, because there is a God that will surely never let you down. Also, it's great to surround yourself with people you know care about you, that are like-minded in values. They know how to be good friends and you are good back to them. But once you have this solid group of caring people around you, don't fall to pieces if they leave you, or hurt you, because they are only human. You'd be surprised who've you unintentionally hurt. Set your expectations appropriately. That is something I'm still learning.
Have you ever been hurt by someone and it hits you hard like a surprising slap in the face? I've had times when I was so consumed in the title of a person ("mother", "father", "best friend", "boyfriend"), that I lost the very essence of who they are- human. Just because someone holds an important title in your life, doesn't mean they will never hurt you. It can be intentional or unintentional. No one should ever be on a pedestal in your heart, except God. We open ourselves up for let down when we place these people there. I have two examples that helped me reach this point.
I've always had a weird relationship with my mother. One filled with love, but also strained with countless differences in life views. I am a very positive person, while she is...not, I guess. But every time she walks out of my life, I fall apart and every time she comes back, I run to her like a baby, totally forgetting the past hurts. Well, I always wonder why it hurts so much. Why do I open up this wound so frequently? I was given this answer: God is Love. Yes, it's right for me to love my mother, God commands it. But it is wrong for me to put her on a pedestal and expect her to be a certain "type" of mom. She will never be the moms I see on TV and there is nothing written that says she has to be. She just has to be herself and we just have to love each other. Which we do. So should I be surprised that she's not perfect? No. Though, it is rather frustrating. What creates this hurt inside of me, is expecting her to be someone she is not. I'm hurting myself, essentially.
The second one, I'm sure many women can relate to. At some point many of us have had a boyfriend that didn't fulfill what we wanted in a mate. We tried to mold him and shape him into what we wanted. After all, he is "the boyfriend", he is supposed to be: handsome, smart, caring.....oh but wait, is he really? Or is he just supposed to be himself? Every guy I've dated in my adult life (which is only like two guys...), I've always had an issue with their ideologies on life and approaches to things. I expected them to be some kinda way and when they didn't match up with that, I found myself sorely disappointed. There are two issues with this. One, if I wanted a guy that met my wishlist, I should've dated a guy that met my wishlist, not try to create one. And two, the title doesn't create the person. Example:
One of my -exes was not particularly compassionate about others in general. I grew up being taught to care about people and help people in whatever way I can. With this upbringing, I've always wanted to change the world. When I needed some help from him on a particular matter, he did not come through for me. It hurt so much. How could that be? He was my boyfriend, he was supposed to care about my feelings and needs. But I already knew, before dating him, that he was not a compassionate person. Making him my boyfriend did not instantly bleed my compassion onto him. I put him on a pedestal and for some reason was surprised when he didn't meet my expectations.
So what I'm saying in all this is, don't be surprised when people fail you, because there is a God that will surely never let you down. Also, it's great to surround yourself with people you know care about you, that are like-minded in values. They know how to be good friends and you are good back to them. But once you have this solid group of caring people around you, don't fall to pieces if they leave you, or hurt you, because they are only human. You'd be surprised who've you unintentionally hurt. Set your expectations appropriately. That is something I'm still learning.
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